Dealing with the unexpected loss of your unborn child can be an incredibly emotional experience for both mother and father, and it’s more common than most people realize.
There is no perfect playbook for dealing with a miscarriage, but it’s something that we counsel expecting parents with on a regular basis. In today’s blog, we take a closer look at some of the ways to cope with an unexpected miscarriage.
How To Process A Miscarriage
Again, there is no simple path that you can follow to cope with and move on from a miscarriage, because it is an immensely personal experience that will affect everyone differently. With that said, we want to talk about some of the strategies for processing and managing your emotions so that you can find ways to cope with your experience.
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Don’t Seek Blame – You are not to blame for the loss of your unborn child. Many women inherently seek to blame themselves, but know that in the vast majority of cases, there was nothing that could have been done to alter the course of the miscarriage. Normal everyday actions do not cause a miscarriage, so you didn’t trigger it by going for a run, working your job or by having sex with your partner. Don’t seek to place blame anywhere, because you have no control over genetic abnormalities that prevent the fetus from developing normally.
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You’re Not Alone – You may feel like you’re all alone while you’re processing your miscarriage, but as we mentioned above, they are far more common than most people realize. We just don’t realize this because miscarriage is a rather heavy conversation. Just know that there are millions of women out there who have also experienced a miscarriage and are on their own journey to process it. There are forums, online support groups and counselors available in your community to help you in any way as you work through your emotions. A miscarriage can feel like an isolating experience, but help is closer than you realize if you try to seek it out. We can help connect you with counseling or support services if you’re struggling to find someone to talk to on your own.
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There Is No Timeline – We all process grief differently, and there’s no way to know when you’ll be physically and emotionally ready to move on. Some people need months, while others can grieve in a much shorter period. One process isn’t any better than the other, but it’s important to realize that you shouldn’t try to put a timeline on your grief. You’ll get to a healthy headspace eventually, and while we can certainly help to provide resources and assistance, there’s no telling exactly how long this process will take.
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Grieve – Let yourself grieve, even if this is just in private moments that you have to yourself. We understand that you may want to hide this grief from others, but don’t keep your emotions pent up. Find a way to talk about your feelings and express your grief. Some people do this by talking with a support group, others find it helpful to journal their thoughts, while others channel their emotions into other pursuits. Find a way to grieve that works for you.
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All Losses Are Unique, But None Are Harder Than Others – It can be easy to think that a miscarriage at six weeks is easier to process than a miscarriage at 18 weeks, but that’s simply not true. Again, miscarriage is highly individualized, and you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. Perhaps that family has been trying to conceive for years, or in vitro treatments were finally showing promise prior to the miscarriage. Your pain is real, but remember that it isn’t naturally greater or less than anyone who suffered a miscarriage at a different stage of their pregnancy. Remembering this can make it easier to grieve and empathize with others.
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Communicate – Finally, healthy communication is both incredibly hard and incredibly important as you work to process your miscarriage. This doesn’t mean that you need to bring it up to co-workers or talk about it with friends if they bring it up, but talking about your emotions and your experience can be cathartic for your mental health. Have an open conversation with your spouse, your partner, a trusted friend or your women’s care provider. Find someone who is a good listener and let them know that you don’t expect them to have all the answers, because again, there is no perfect way to handle such a unique life event. Talking about your emotions is easier said than done, but if you can find a trusted ally, it can make a world of difference in helping you process everything you’ve been through.
Nobody wants to deal with the unexpected loss of a child at any stage of pregnancy, but it’s a reality that we live in every day. There’s no easy way to navigate the situation, but we want you to know that we are here for you in any way we can. Please let us be a resource, an ally or a shoulder to cry on. Whatever you need, we’re here.
For more information about pregnancy loss or related women’s care issues, reach out to the team at MetroPartners OBGYN today at 651-770-3320.